Saturday, September 13, 2008 Y
Dear.. :) this may be my last or second post I will post for our relationship. From the day I start this blog until today, I believe the bad things I had posted is more than things that is happy. Now is sat morning 8am. I really can't slp.. Before I start this posting, I hope u get prepare abit, it will be quite long and may waste a bit of ur time, if u happen to read this while u are working.. maybe u will like to go home read?
Recently I am feeling very hurt no matter where I go and do.. every little single things remind me of all the past we been through, I believe when we get together at the very start, even we argue I know that is a no harm kind of argument. Things is going worst since alot of things have changed. Although I do lie to u few time before and causes you took a hard time to trust me back, I apologize for my mistake. I guess I may not have this sort of open hearted to allow myself to trust you easily anymore as I started to realize what u lie to me is not just once and you start to apply privacy in our relationship that causes us get into more argument. You may think nothing is wrong as u dun wanna be someone like a dog that always command by me anymore.. but I truly can see things is getting worst than previously.
There are 2 time when u send me a message I didn't received, and the time u go home at this both day is a late hour also you insist dun allow me to see whether did u send me anot, and the reason u told me is, u dun wan me to get into a practice. Dear do u think this is really true or u just dun wan me to find out the fact? Maybe u really didn't lie to me.. but by forcing me and stopping me not to show me and saying u dun wan it to be a practice able to solve this problem? I can dun see it now, or even tml.. but in my mind and heart I will forever carry the doubt where ever we go and even we continue, this is only matters of time for us to break off.. coz I really got no more trust in u anymore.
Maybe to u career in our life is very important and u even think that career come first, I never ever think u are wrong, but ask yourself since you get into this job, how much time have you spare to me or even this relationship? Do u think u still love me or just because you dun wish to let go of everything? I really appreciate what we have done at the past, I believe it will create a beautiful memory for me.. But I guess we may not able to continue anymore.. Both of us know we can't stand each other attitude and mon to fri I am in the army and have got no time to give you, sat you work and always having ot, the same u got not much time for me, sunday I need to book in, the time left is only less than half day, in the morning I wake u up for breakfast, u always dun wanna go and end up I go buy for you.. to me, that is not a problem buying for u, but I just wan a simple sweet breakfast with you.. I just wan the feeling like last time.
Being with you until this situation, I am very surprise I have done alot of things that I never done before. When you told me u wish me good luck, because of all my processive, sensitive and temper, no matter how much relationship I am in, it will still end up breaking off. Maybe what you said is very right. I would not start anymore relationship until one day I got to see through human being is just like this, they are not wonderful and maybe that time I will accept what a gal wan in their life.. freedom and need to accept their privacy, even they go out with guy, that is just a normal event that happen to everyone, even someone flirt with them, they will still flirt back a little, as this is just a human being character. When I see through all this.. I will than start to open out my heart.
I am starting to get myself well organize, I bought some english book to read up, the content is teaching to talk proper english, also I got alot of thing in my mind I wanna learn. Maybe that is still not totally bad if we go our own way.. maybe from there, u really can find ur happiness that I may not give you.. sometime I am very silly, I comapred myself with your boss, I tell myself why do u respect ur boss so much? is it because I am not great as him? not rich, no car, no shop, no management or even no knowledge? In the end I tell myself I wun not compare anymore.. I realize, everyone is just so great that just waiting for the right one to open up their treasure box.. and when that day , I will got my respect.
I got friend telling me.. you am I so silly? why do all this stuff for you? break off just break off, burn what cd, write what blog, spending so much time doing all shit.. For me I always respect my relationship, all this thing I done for the ending is to let my love one know, I never take this relationship for granted, I cherish.. memory inside me is just so hard to forget, and thousand of words tat inside me I can only use the feeling of the song to send it to you..
Yesterday when I composed the love poem for you, the very first one.. I use sometime to think and the feeling inside me to compose. But when you didn't mention much about that poem or even said tat's sweet, I know, I know in you, how much our relationship weight, actually I am quite surprise when I said dun meet anymore, u will promise without any rejection or even unhappy, do u think by doing that way mean u are showing me u give me freedom, u give me space, this is call love? I got very drunk on that night. I never feel so faint before..
something just remind me when I graduated from poly, u insist wanna come even the event had end.. do u know how happy am I actually? I am so proud to see you and able to let everyone see.. how much u love me and how good our relationship is.. When I was having pop, all my fren came down when they need to put the cap on.. I nearly drop my tear.. I feel the weird feeling in my heart, kind of sour.. very sour.. after the parade when they are taking photo, I took for most of the couple.. seeing them so sweet, my heart once again fallen..
Why must thing had to come to this point where we have hate in each other.. In our relationship, the most ke xi things I thnk that we didn't do is until now we have got no chance to go cycle, east coast and go zoo.
Last before I end this last post maybe, I wanna say thanks for letting realise my mistake but really too bad I can't accept and change totally.. u had given me alot of sweet and beautiful memory.. u r really cute and sweet when u are.. I always feel like hugging and pamper you.. It may be very tough for me as I still need to serve my NS, but if u still care, I just wanna tell u not to worry.. I will try my very best to make my life wonderful.. With my sincerely, I hereby hope you got a bright future where ever u go, go study and get some cert for ur own good. One day u will find you Mr.right, and that will be ur perfect guy, I believe u will be clever this time not to pick up someone like me who have so much weird attitude.. One last time dear.. I miss you alot, hug* good luck.. good bye..
{{ 8:50 AM -
Purple&&Freak `
Saturday, September 6, 2008 Y
06/09/08, this is another sat also the last sat for me to book out from tekong, very soon I going to pop already, I was so excited that on the day u and my parent will come and watch me marching, it is not easy.. we been practicing under the sun so tough. But I got a bad news is that I only got 2 ticket. My sergeant told me that sometime it is possible to sneak in or even tell them some lie, they may allow u to entry. But.. I was a bit disappointed when u ask me to decide.. Do u know I really really truly believe if u love me, if u really wanna see me in pop, u will sure come no matter what.. even the sky fall.. I know the consequences is u will argue with ur boss, lost half day money, very rush or even waste money on cab, maybe worst come to worst you cannot in, u dun know where to go and waste all the effort. Touch ur heart and ask yourself.. how much u really wanna come and really love me so u wanna come.. how much? Dear.. if I were u.. trust me I will sure come.. I will try my best to get in, if really cannot than say.. dun try no chance, try already at least I try my best.. I dun wish to force you,I dun wanna say much, coz I know u will say i am not being understanding..
If u were me.. how much u are understanding, u still feel the pain inside you.. trust me? This morning when we woke up, we have a small argument, regarding I am not waking u up until I own self wanna go out than call you, dear.. seriously I dun know did u think properly before scolding me or blaming me.. I really dun wanna argue le.. I am afraid that it will causes our relationship even worst.. dear I think u really dun love me much anymore.. really, no matter how much I try, i dun think u will go back to my shi hui any more..
I am prepare for everything already dear.. I will save this relationship till the last, and if still really dun work.. this is where we should end I think.. maybe this is what you wan since the day u said breaking off with me.. I just wanna let u know I tried my best already.. I am really changing.. I can even see myself changing.. first time..
If work, freedom and privacy is so important to you.. Dear.. all the best.. I hope you can get wat u wanna achieve and have bright future ahead.. Jia you..
{{ 2:40 PM -
Purple&&Freak `
